Not In The Cards For You, Son

I took Awsumb into the pediatrician for a general check up and to update his shots.  Awsumb was wearing some sort of baseball gear that day, a hat or jacket, probably both.  So the receptionist starts talking to him about baseball, asking the usual questions, "Do you play ball?  What team do you play for?  I used to play softball. I bet your an all star.  Do you want to be a professional player when you grow up?"  This is where I step in..  "He's a little small for his age. I don't think that's in the cards for you, son."  as I give Awsumb that little half smile telling him, "Let me just end this little inquiry for you."  And of course this turns into a whole conversation in which the receptionist is telling him to keep playing, etc. 

It's not that we told Awsumb he can't be anything he wants. It's that we have always been realistic with him.  There were those preschool years when all he wanted to be was a fireman, racecar driver or Batman.  Then came the years he decided his career plan would go more like this, "First I want to be in the Army, then play baseball, then be a Dentist, then in the FBI and finally a writer." 

Just like any good parents we spent years talking to him about what all these options would require.  We encouraged him to dream, knowing that he very well could pick one of those or something he had not yet thought of to be when he grew up.  We arranged to have a tour of and FBI office and spend some time with an agent.  We talked about different paths in the U.S. Army, we played baseball every day in the yard and have been coaching him since little league.

Awsumb came the conclusion all on his own that he didn't want to deal with people who have yucky teeth all day (he has a sick stomach)  and I still pushed that one because well, I just wanted to run the back office for him LOL!  And we have always encouraged him to read and write.  I never felt like we stifled his dreams, we were just realistic with him.

So in baseball, when Awsumb fell into a hitting slump we arranged private coaching for him.  Eventually the kids who had picked grass and played with the dirt in the outfield for years finally started figuring it out ... and when they started growing big and stronger than our little squirt could ever hope to be we were frank with him.  We told him that baseball is something he could always love, he could play, coach, be the biggest fan of whatever team he choose... it could always be part of his life... but "No son, I don't think it's in the cards for you."  And we took a step back and tried to show him that he could enjoy baseball all the same.  We told him "You don't always have to be the best!"  All the while thinking we are being good parents for being realistic and just trying to make baseball a fun time.

So as we leave the doctors office the receptionist chases after us with a piece of paper saying, "I took the time to look up a whole bunch of  short baseball players for you.  Look them up and learn their story.  You can do anything you want to do!" 

Thanks a lot lady!  She meant well.  But she sure did not make me feel like mother of the year!

It's great to have high expectations from your kids. It's good to push them and challenge them.  But sometimes its's also good for them to learn to be happy being average.  Sometimes in life, being average is what brings us the most happiness.  It's safe, there isn't a lot of stress.  And learning to be happy when things are well, average will help our children to be happy in the long run.  Because there is always going to be someone bigger and better. Something bigger and better.  Somewhere bigger and better.  But being happy, with what you can do, who you are and where you are is gold!

Jeepers Creepers!

Sometime in the fall Kenneth and I noticed Awsumb wasn't reading as much.  Awsumb has been carrying books  tucked under his arms everywhere he goes since he was a tot.  But each time one of us pointed it out, the other one dismissed it saying, "Let him be, he's interested in a lot of things, he has a huge library of books... he'll come around."  And because we often READ ALOUD (click to read previous post) we let didn't let ourselves worry.

Then our families went in for our annual eye exams we were surprised to hear Awsumb needed glasses.  Awsumb was devastated.  I secretly was excited because I remember trying the little toddler glasses on him when he was a baby.  I kind of figured Awsumb would wear them because Kenneth is practically blind.  I also wear a low prescription. 

The good news is that Awsumb will hopefully grow out of his problem in a few years.  And he only needs to wear them for reading.  Which we have interpreted to mean that Awsumb should wear them most of the time, especially for reading, watching TV, any screen time, doing homework, even building legos.  It turns out the extra strain was making it harder to concentrate, which explains why Awsumb hadn't been such a bookworm the last few months.

To help Awsumb feel more comfortable I helped him select some classy IZOD frames, which are navy blue with a lighter blue on the inside. I think Awsumb looks so handsome!  Awsumb was still a little worried about his new look, so I decided he needed a special portrait session to mark the moment.  These books are ones that Awsumb is currently reading.  Awsumb read HOLES in 24 hours.  I read this one when it was released and have been dying for him to read it so we could watch the movie.  Which is a good interpretation of the book.  If you haven't read Holes by Louis Sachar to your kids they will LOVE IT and it's a great READ ALOUD book!

I keep meaning to make a new suggested reading list since it's been a while since I shared

some of my little bookworm's favorite my first chapter books! (click to read previous post)

Awsumb recently finished The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, which he is excited about because the movie comes out later this year.  And this one is such a classic. Make sure you add it to your child's library!
Awsumb also loves The Keepers of the School by Andrew Clements, one of his favorite Authors... remember Frindle?  Clements is perfect for 4th grade readers.

Any Disney fan should check out Kingdom Keepers by Ridley Pearson about kids that solve mysteries in Disneyworld after hours!  Peter and the Star Catchers is also a fun new series.

Anything by Rick Riordan!  The Percy Jackson 6 book series especially appealed to Awsumb as the series weaves a modern world with Greek Mythology.  I think he is still in the middle of the Heroes of Olympus.  And don't forget the Kane Chronicles about Egyptian Mythology.

How could I forget Awsumb's favorite the Swindle Series by Gordon Korman!  Great for boys who love baseball or just a good adventure.  Follow Griffin as he gets mixed up with a con artist after finding his way into an abandoned warehouse and finds a rare baseball card.   Awsumb brought this one home from a book fair in 1st grade. I thought it looked too old for him, but he sure loved this series, which is probably best for 4th grade and up. 

More recently Awsumb also ready Gordon Kormans Titanic Series, which was Awsumb's first lesson in historic fiction. It took a while to convince him it wasn't a true story.  This led him to a study of many non-fiction books about kids in London and New York during the industrial revolution.  And of course to MY favorite author Charles Dickens!

Good for LDS kids:  The Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites by Christ Heimerdinger, which are about modern day kids who find a cave that take them back to Nephite time. There is a whole series available at Deseret Book.   Awsumb also has the Leven Thumps series, which he was yet to begin reading.

Don't forget to keep reading aloud to your kids.  Sometimes with new books Kenneth or I just read the 1st chapter and it's enough to get Awsumb interested and take over the book.  Other times we save certain titles to read together. And it's a great way to introduce books your child might not read alone. I wanted to do with at least the first Little House on the Prairie book, but never got around to it.   Peter Pan, James and the Giant Pach, The Indian in the Cupboard and The Hotel Under the Sand are great Read Aloud titles.  And don't forget books on tape from the library. Awsumb LOVES to listen to books on tape and will often listen to the same titles over and over again!

Kenneth and Awsumb are getting back into The Mysterious Benedict Society about a genius orphan invited to be part of a very mysterious society. And then I think they might get back into The Lemony Snicket Series.

I am so happy to see my little bookworm back in action working his way through stacks of books!  It's fun to see him go between easier reads, longer novels and non-fiction.

PSA - Get your kids eyes checked! 

What good children's books have you discovered recently?

School Photos

Me - 4th grade

Wow this picture is so embarassing!

I volunteered to help herd the kids through the school picture day line up this year at my sons school and it finally answered my questions about why my sons school photos are more of a mug shot than a portrait.

First I was so surprised to see how nervous so many of the kids were...  I quickly realized they just needed to relax and as I was the last person they saw before I assigned them a photographer I tried my best to joke around and be silly with them as a way to distract them from feeling like they were about to visit the dentist.

But it was watching the actual photographers that really shocked me. Throughout elementary school I remember having the same photographer year after year.  He makes jokes and poked fun at the kids to help everyone relax and smile.  I remember every year he would make a joke about me being Peppermint Patty from Charlie Brown as he did to all the red heads. This bugged me to no end because she was a tom boy and I didn't want anything to do with being a tom boy!  But at least he was attempting to make some sort of connection with each child.  These photographers were more like the lady at  the DMV, stand over there look over here... click... 

For some reason I still feel compelled to order a package of these mug shots each year for tradition sake... but now I really see why they never capture who my child is. 

Awsumb is now in the 4th grade. At his school 4th grade is more like middle school.  There are about 13 kids in his class.  The kids have a home room, and different teachers for each subject.  The students are required to begin learning how to organize a school planner with their assignments.  4th grade continues to study Spanish and begins learning Latin, which has quickly become Awsumb's favorite subject.  He also gleans the most from simple classes like P.E. and music by asking for more details and history behind the songs and games they learn.

Each year during the many conferences scheduled with Awsumb's teachers I walk into them trying to prepare myself to get ready to hear all about how he talks to much... which often leads to other discussions about him learning to be more respectful and not arguing with teachers.

This week it was so refreshing to hear that his skills of communication are finally paying off and to hear how valued he is because of his leadership and communication skills. Awsumb's teachers also report that he shows empathy for all the children in the class and they know they can count on him to acknowledge other students ideas and to bring other students who may feel left out into the group.

But what I am even more excited about is his voracious need to learn everything he can.  Awsumb comes out of any lessons, a music lesson, Latin class, etc. with slips of paper on which he has written topics and things he plans to research further... because, he just can't get enough!

Awsumb regularly spends the first 30 minutes after I pick him up, talking nonstop about specific lesson he had during the day. He will repeat it word for word and then tell me all the questions and ideas he has regarding the subject.  I am so excited that he has fully gleaned the most out of the Montessori classroom and that he can now see that his education is his responsibility, that if there is anything he wants to learn about to go ahead and read and research and ask all the questions he needs until he gets the answers he is looking for.

And the best thing to hear was that his teachers don't see a disrespectful bone in his body, that they think it would hurt him, to the core, if he thought he had disrespected them in any way.  Here I kept thinking he needed to have more fear of adults so that he would be respectful out of fear, but once again, he teaches me, showing me that respect grown out of the desire to be respected in return is soooo much better than fear.

And that because of this respect, Awsumb has taken it upon himself to approach teachers when he needed more specific direction or to work out a plan to catch  up on work he had fallen behind on.  But even better is that he seeks them out because he values their friendship and is so excited to share his ideas and passions with them because, "We just have so much in common!" as he says about  his teachers.  He truly considers them mentors and friends and I appreciate the time they have each taken to develop a personal relationship with him.

Oh, how I just love, love, love being the mother of the most Totally Awsumb little boy ever!

Why Doesn't Winnie The Pooh Ever Get Stung By Hunny Bees?

I was stung by a bee the other night.  I have been stung before and knew the second it happened what it was.  it was the underside of my arm, which swelled so much that it wasn't until a couple days later I realized I also had 4 mosquito bites on the outside of that arm...  I have always relied on After Bite, which is basically ammonia to deal with mosquito bites. It stops the itch. This past couple years I have been having a more severe reaction to mosquito bites.  So I had recently picked up some Benadryl gel, which didn't seem to help much...  But Caladryl that really did the trick!  Soothes, stops any oozing, cool and calming, doesn't smell bad at all. I have bathed my arm in this stuff for a few days and it's doing much better!

This  wasn't the first time I was stung. The first time I was shopping in Fred Meyer with Kenneth. The bee was stuck in my finger and Kenneth wouldn't help me!  He just backed away insisting he was allergic ... thanks a lot Kenneth! 

Then a few years later when Awsumb was only about 6 months old I had been out shopping all day and come home to a warm house. I laid Awsumb on a blanket and opened some windows. We have these windows that open out, so you lift a flap on the screen, push the window out, then you have to shut the flap. We used to have these rhododendron brushes that wrapped around the side of the house and they were a a major attraction to all types of bees.  So I go upstairs to put away my goodies from shopping and then I noticed Awsumb making this funny sound.  I knew instantly what it was.. he was mimicking a the sound a bee would make if it was swarming around your head!  Remembering that Kenneth is supposed to be "deathly allergic"  I run downstairs to rescue him and find 3 bees swarming around his head and that stupid flap left open on the window screen. I shut the flap, run him upstairs and shut him in by bedroom.  Then I called Kenneth, who refused to come and help... "I'm allergic..."  OK so maybe he was in a meeting of something.. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but his friend Robert came to rescue us! 

I was able to chase one out the front door, kill a second and totally lost the third.  Needless to say all slept locked in our master bedroom.  In the morning I took Awsumb into his room to change him at the changing table and found a dead bee on the floor. 

 Awsumb 2002 - 6 months
with his Classic Pooh
from our dear friend Robert!

We saw the new Winnie the Pooh movie the other night.  (see Awsumb above with his little Pooh bear!)  I am so glad that at almost 10 he still loves simple things, such as Winnie the Pooh!  As as only child, Awsumb often plays alone.  Awsumb is a regular Christopher Robin, always exploring, making things up and usually accompanied by a "stuffy."

 So why doesn't Pooh every get stung anyway?  Maybe he just doesn't notice with all that fluffy stuffing?

Totally Awesome Kids Birthday Parties

When your Awsumb it's easy to throw Totally Awesome Kids Birthday Parties.  I usually get excited to start planning my son's birthday parties when I attend my best girlfriend's parties in May. This gives me about six months to hide the expense so my husband thinks my parties are inexpensive!  I prefer to avoid large party venues, as I think they are impersonal, loud, chaotic and well, I just like that picture of all the kids lined up on the couch.

I don't understand why some people get all stressed about planning a party. Sure some of us like to go all out, but that doesn't mean you have to. A you really need are a few balloons, cake, friends and it's a PARTY! As a child I remember meeting a little boy on a camping trip and attending an impromptu party, pretty much consisting of a 2-pack of Hostess Cupcakes and a cool climbing tree - it was great!

You don't even have to pick a theme as long as there is an activity for the kids and especially if you have  a cool backyard or host it at your favorite park.  Unfortunately my sons birthday is in October, we live in the northwest and it is always rainy weather. So, we don't get to take advantage of the backyard or local park.

A good suggestion is to invite only the number of kids of your child's age... I have trouble with this because I don't want to leave anyone out. Plus, I am always so excited about my plans I want to share them with everyone.  But it's a great way to lower any stress in your party planning.

As a general rule 3 Party Games is plenty.. then just let the kids run around, play the games again or make up their own games. My son attended a spectacular Army party... the floor was covered in those little plastic army guys and although the training course and shooting activities were a lot of fun the kids could have just played with those little green army guys all day!

In my next few blogs I will share some of the simple party ideas I have used for my son...

Click on the themes below to see

Totally Awsumb Kids Parties!

Fisher Price Little People

Bob The Builder

Spider-man and Friends

Hot Wheels

Baseball Bash at Safeco Field

Lego Knights

Lego Star Wars

Pirates Pool Party

Harry Potter

Indiana Jones Adventure

Check back in the following weeks for party ideas that I hope will inspire you!

What was your favorite birthday party?

Dangerous things you should let your children do...

Remember when you played in that empty field or lot near your house? Remember when you rode your bike until you were lost and had to find your way home?  Remember when you played outside until dark?  Remember when you discovered where Dad kept the fireworks in the garage?

We fill our kids schedules with classes and team sports,  make them wear bike helmets and football pads to play on anything with wheels.  Why are we sheltering our kids so much today and what from?  Is the world really so different?  Of course we want our kids to be safe.  But maybe we are limiting exploration and free play a little too much.  It's time to rethink some of our restrictions...

Read  50 Dangerous Things (You should let your children do) by Gever Tulley



In Jean Liedloff's book, The Continuum Concept, she reflects on time spend living with Stone Age Indians in South America.  She observed that without boundaries although there were many dangers like pits, fire, knives, etc. Babies quickly learn to avoid such literal pitfalls and young children are taught and trusted to use what we would consider dangerous tools, safely. 

My father said he always knew when my brother had gotten into things in the garage (Uh hum.. fireworks)... but he felt letting him have the freedom to explore that a bit kept him from getting into bigger trouble.

Awsumb's Uncle sent him a fancy pocket knife for his birthday when he was 8... although we had all the safety talks and demos... it still took him getting a small cut while he was working on something alone one day for him to learn the full lesson...

OK, So I am not ready to let my 9 year old take the subway alone in NYC... But, I did let my son cook his own breakfast in the toaster oven this morning...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Read my review of Nurture Shock

What do you remember doing that you would never let your kids do today? 

What things do you think we need to let our kids do again?

Potty Time

The diaper years were a nightmare for me.  And I will admit to calling Kenneth home from the office a time or two.  It was just more than I could take... not to mention having to change anyone else's kid (more about that later!)  I was very specific about diapering rituals.  One of the added benefits of breastfeeding is that breastfed babies diapers are sooo much easier to deal with!  Thank goodness!  At one point I was asked to be part of a study for a diaper company.  Once the lady started going through the specifics with me I knew there was no way I could handle such a thing.  "But you'll get paid," they lady kept saying as I told her this was just wasn't going to work!

I couldn't wait to potty train and luckily my child expressed interest quickly.  So first off was to find a children's book on the subject. So many books on this subject are so gross and even inappropriate for kids.  I didn't want some book with pictures of a kid bending over say, "I have a hole right here."  (seriously found one that included and illustration... And then there was the humorous ones... I simply don't tolerate potty humor.  I was so happy when I found THE POTTY BOOK by Alyssa Satin Capucilli

The Potty Book comes in a pink and blue version, one for girls and one for boys.  The star of the book is Henry, who is growing up and "can do lots of things each day..."  One day Mommy brings him home a box, "My very own potty, to use when I am ready."  Henry practices sitting on the potty and even has an accident.  Then one morning he wakes up and says, "I'm off to the potty, I think this time I'm ready!"  His parents celebrate and Henry gets to pick out new underwear.  Henry's a big boy now and "can run and jump and play without a wet diaper getting in his way."  My little boy just loved this book and quickly had it memorized and felt the need to repeat it loudly in public restrooms!

Much like weaning from the breast children first need to be ready. Expose them to potty time. From most of what I have read it helps if they have seen other people go potty (I know, this is more than you want to know!)  But if they know this is what big kids and adults do they aren't as worried about it.

Next - for me was to skip the potty chair. I went out to find the perfect little easy to clean chair.  The first time some other kid came over and used it that was it for me! It was contaminated and I wanted nothing more to do with it. Instead pick out a nice stool and seat that clips on the big potty.

No Pullups!  Get some nice thick cotton training pants. Dress your kids in sweats with elastic around the ankles and stay home for a few days.  Everyone I know that used Pullups during the day took longer training their child. Even at night I would try to avoid them.  Often, especially boys can have issues at night later one, even years after potty training.  At that point they can be useful if you are sick of changing sheets in the middle of the night.

It's all or nothing.  In my opinion if your kid isn't trained to go #2, they aren't trained.  I can't even tell you the nightmares I have had with other people's kids when it comes to #2.  Don't go around bragging that they are trained, then dropping them off to be babysat for the day.  Oh and if they haven't gone #2 for a couple days that would be good info to share as well!  Enough said!  LOL!  And please offer to help clean up the mess or at least your own child instead of standing them laughing at the person having a panic attack!  I seriously needed some serious meds after that episode!

Rewards - M&M's must be in the invisible parenting book.  That's because they work!  At the time I potty trained my little boy MINI M&M's were all the rage and even in mini form 2-3 worked like a charm!

What are your best potty training tips?

What's wrong with teaching dance to 6 year olds!

Recently we saw the movie Adjustment Bureau, which all about destiny.  The main character is faced with the choice to let the love of his life lead her life without him as she goes on to be a great dancer and choreographer or spend their life together AND.... wait for it... teach dance to six year olds!

What's so wrong with teaching dance to 6 year olds anyway?  Happily Ever After with the love of your life, a family and inspiring six year olds, giving them a love and appreciation for music and movement sounds like a happy ending if I ever heard one!  After being released from serving for years in the Children's Primary Presidency at church I was presented with a beautiful framed saying:

One Hundred Years from now

It will not matter

what kind of car I drove,

What kind of house I lived in,

how much money was in my bank account

nor what my clothes looked like.

But the world may be a better place because

I was important in the life of a child.

 
Sometimes I think people mix up priorities...  Besides the fact that this movie was advertised to look like adventure, it was simple a love story and because I don't usually like romance stuff... I didn't think think it was very good.... This movie was so predictable, I actually spent time checking out the decor and lighting in the theater!  BLACK SWAN on the other hand - LOVED IT!

What's your version of Happily Ever After?

I am coming up on 16 years of marriage. Click to read about my Love Story

And don't forget this artists version of these Fallen Princesses

To read more about this subject and the Divine Role of Women see my previous blog: Making the Home a Sacred Place

Too Much Tough Love, Not Enough LOVE!

"I'm smart; you're dumb;

I'm big, you're little;

I'm right, you're wrong,

and there's nothing you can do about it."

-Roald  Dahl

Let's talk... Read this article from the Wall Street Journal by Amy Chua, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

I have lived in the fake family before. I lived with the controlling mother who expected perfection. A- was nothing to get excited about ... it was a MINUS and might as well have been and F.  And with a parent like that sooner or later you realize nothing will be good enough and you stop caring.  There is a difference between being a strict parenting and simply breaking your child's spirit!

While I believe in having high expectations, discipline, and routine I also believe in love and nurturing.  Making the home a safe place is part of Making The Home A Sacred Place.  By a safe home I mean a home in which children are allowed to fail or having short comings.  A loving parent will help a child overcome and work with these shortcomings, not hold it over their heads.  Or worse, using their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control them.

When we provide a safe place for children to fall they learn from those stumbles and avoid bigger falls later in life. My father told me about a family he observed.  He noticed that the parents sometimes let the teens make choices that he wasn't sure he would want his kids to make.  But as he continued to observe them and watch them grow up to become productive members of society he realized that the parents were closely watching their kids and allowing them the room to learn and grow from these small failures.

Don't get me wrong, I believe as a whole, western society does not have high enough expectations regarding behavior, work effort, school work, etc.  Tony Wagner, author of The Global Achievement Gap talks a little about this in his lectures regarding education.  He noticed that as an educator the western parents came to him at conferences saying, "Why are you giving my kids so much work." While eastern parents wanted to know why the kids were not going more math and science. 

I think this is because many eastern families have come to America more recently. They know what they are striving for - education, which will give them security and freedom.  While many Americans have begun taking these things for granted.  I believe when you expect more out of kids they give you more and if we all should have high expectations regarding behavior and education they would do better. This is evident whenever I work with kids, whether it be at school, church or in my own home, kids quickly learn how I expect them to behave and they quickly live up to it.

During the coverage of the current crises in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami many times has it been mentioned that there is no looting. This is part of the culture of respect, but also about expectations.

All that said, I think Tiger Mom is a joke.  She revels in tearing down her children, and laughs if off. I simply have no more to say about her.  Recently I found this, "It is easier to build up a child than to repair an adult. Your words and actions have amazing power in your child's life, use them wisely!"

Click to read more about my thoughts regarding High Expectations and Celebrating Your Child.

Leaving Your Children Behind?

Let's talk...Read this article on SALON.COM about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto's decision to leave her children behind.

For 16 years all I have wanted is to have babies and be a mother. During this time I have gone through all the typical phases of feelings including being upset when friends or family have baby after baby... Although those years were short and it was later much easier to be happy for friends and family who were expecting it was still annoying to hear them complain about being pregnant and having children. And of course we were eventually blessed with our own little miracle...

But before that a friend who had previously commiserated with me during her own fertility struggle, got pregnant and had a baby. So, when she told me that she signed up for the "This Is Not What I Expected Class" at the hospital it was all I could do to not roll my eyes. I think she struggled with PPD and some other issues. But still, just the title of that class still really annoys me at times. I imagine what type of women would sign up for this sort of class. I am sure it included career woman who weren't sure if they ever wanted to have a baby, but might have felt like it was just the next thing to do or just happened to get pregnant.

After all, what DID you expect?  The role of being a parent and especially a mother is not easy, the only instruction books are mostly written by male doctors who may not even know what they are talking about (Ezzo).  But however it is that one comes about to be a mother - that's it, you a mother! So as you can imagine reading about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto and her decision to leave her children behind as she researches and writes a book about the survivors of Hiroshima just infuriates me.  You don't just get to pick and choose when you want to actually live that role.  It's day in and day out, the rewards of which may never even be seen in your lifetime!

This is simple abandonment and detachment and makes me sick.  Mothers who do this had no business being mother in the first place!  My view may seem harsh, but another abandoned child knows exactly how I feel.

While the family I grew up in wasn't Hiroshima it was definitely WW3 behind the scenes.  From the time were young my siblings and I talked about our parents divorcing and we even decided who would go with who. 

Eventually the day came when my mother had an affair and decided to leave us behind.  She told my husband that she knew exactly what she was doing, that we didn't need her anymore (my baby sister was only twelve!)  And eventually after an argument in which she tried to tell us why she did nothing wrong (and all the reasons why my own Father didn't love me...) I had it and decided this was the perfect time to let this toxic person go from my life.  She then told my husband that she knew that would happen and she was fine with that. What kind of mother tells this to their child?   And later went on to tell us how she was now happy and moved on and if WE had a problem with it, maybe WE should seek counseling? 
This is so typical of divorced parents.  "I'm fine, I'm better off now... if you are still sad or upset or don't understand that's YOUR problem."  You can read more about this is in Barbara Defoe Whitehead's The Divorce Culture.

Even in cases of divorce after abuse or other issues where a parent may be better off it is never appropriate to say this to a child.  Children know what really happened, they may know about the abuse or affair, but that is still their mother and father and in a perfect world they wish they could be together.  So when a parent moves on, leaving the children behind they really twist that knife in just a little deeper.

After years of observing divorced parents I am quick to notice the signs of a parent doing this very thing. Sometimes they may not even actually say something to the child, but actions speak louder than words. I have seen mothers go from really be there for their kids day in and day out to picking and choosing when THEY want to be mom. They leave their kids too fend for themselves. They leave their kids with sitters, the other spouse or let them spend days at a time with other families as they pursue new relationships and a new life.  To make it even worse I have seen them begin new families and basically discard their previous kids and families as they dote on the new children.

I realize some of this may be the parents way to deal with the divorce. And I am sure the children remind them of the x-spouse at times and leaving them behind or at least putting distance between them as they pursue new interests, new relationships, new families and personal interests is just their way of coping.  But what about the kids?  Who will be there to help them cope? 

Parents like this will find years later that they really do not have the relationship they thought they had with their kids.  Statistics show that young adults these days have decided they don't want to be married and have families because of the bad example of their parents.  Thus will come a whole generation of kids from parents who were never really married or committed as they spend their life pursing the above mentioned relationships, career dreams and personal interests.

When I look around the world and see all the problems various people are trying to solve including disease, violence and war, I know that all of these could be solved by placing a higher value on Family, which I believe to be a sacred unit that can save the world, one child at a time!  When we place more focus on our own interests we leave our family behind.

When I was a child I loved the story My Turn On Earth by Carol Lynn Pearson and especially the song, It Isn't Good To Be Alone.  I believe God didn't mean for us to work our way through this often dreary world alone. He meant for us to have a family.

To read more about this subject and the Divine Role of Women see my previous blog: Making the Home a Sacred Place

Experience Life in the New Year!

At a time when many people are already giving up on their New Year's goals and resolutions it's time to talk about Goals vs. Experiences.  From the Merriam Webster dictionary:

GOAL
Etymology: Middle English gol boundary, limit
1 a : the terminal point of a race b : an area to be reached safely in children's games
2 : the end toward which effort is directed : AIM
3 a : an area or object toward which players in various games attempt to advance a ball or puck and usually through or into which it must go to score points b : the act or action of causing a ball or puck to go through or into such a goal c : the score resulting from such an act
synonym: see INTENTION

Many years ago I was asked to share my thoughts on “Goals” during a church leadership meeting. As I thought about the word goals the first thing that came to my mind was the typical New Year’s Resolutions and the second thing was the endless goals we were expected to pass off in Primary (Children's Sunday School) as part of the Gospel in Action program and later the Young Women Personal Progress Program at church. These goals usually came from a suggested list. They were something quickly finished to earn an award. Although they were often worthwhile activities, they were often overdone projects and I never felt like I personally owned them.So as I prepared to share my thoughts about this subject I went to the dictionary. Although I understood the meaning of the word, I just needed to clear my head. The more I thought about this in terms of spirituality, the definition of the word Goal defined the reason those programs asked us to set goals. And the end point was to return to our Heavenly Father in safety.

Some years ago the LDS church made some changes to the children’s Sunday School award program. The Gospel in Action program was changed to the Faith in God program. And the goals are now called activities. The Young Women organization also revised the Personal Progress program and now refer to the goals as EXPERIENCES! I love this… in order to build their own testimony the youth will need to really feel like they OWN these personal experiences of study, prayer and living the gospel.

Part of the definition of the word experience says, “the fact of state of having been affected by or gained knowledge though direct observation and participation. Practical knowledge, skill or practice derived from direct observation of or participation."

I truly believe the revisions to these programs were inspired…  changing the focus to simple, faith promoting experiences.  And after the small token award is earned it has hopefully become a habit to continually experience and live the gospel as the youth grow closer to the final goal.

And now as I think about New Year’s goals and resolutions, I feel the important part of goals and resolutions is not about the end result. The important part is about the experience. It is only in the experience that we will learn and grow.

Just as an intention to do something does not always guarantee success goals are often given up. So as you give up on or revise your New Year’s resolutions and goals for you and your family… make sure to focus on the experience, not the end result. I believe our biggest role as a parent is to provide experiences for our children to personally own that will help them learn and grow.  In the future rather than give them goals with limits and boundaries, think about providing them with simple experiences.  What experiences do you plan to provide for your children this year?

Just Talk!

I received an email just before noon on Saturday that said, "Awsumb has been asked to give a talk in Primary (Sunday School) tomorrow at church, is he ready?"

My reply went something like this, "What?  This is the first I have heard about this, let me talk with Awsumb about this."  (Because normally we  would talk about the subject, look up a few stories or scriptures, maybe even gather or color a picture for him to show and of course, practice the talk!)

So, with a  full Saturday of events planned,  I try not to freak out and go find Awsumb to figure out what is going on.  Awsumb confirmed he was asked to give a talk.

"When were you planning on telling me about this?" I asked him.

And his calm, cool and collected response was, "I was just planning to get up there an talk!" 

Yep, that's my son. No preparation, just stand up and talk.  Where does this kid come from?  The funny thing is that I am sure he could get up and just talk and probably even about something relavant.  It's sort of a gift and a curse he has all in one.  At school his teachers report that he often takes over the lesson.  An although he often has great info to share on any subject, it's something he has to learn, something his mommy has not ever learned... that it's not always his time to talk!

At this time his greatest struggle is to just be a kid. And that also means humbling himself enough to listen and learn. To not talk, to not talk back or argue.  I know that my son may feel the expectations of perfection that we put on him. He has always been such a good boy. And we are so proud of him and all that he is. I hope that his precocious ability to be able express himself will become an asset to him as an adult.

Adventures in Babysitting

There's nothing worse than coming home from a well deserved night out with my husband only to find a sink full of dishes.  Yes, I know the most important thing is that the babysitter keep my child safe and entertain him.  But the dirty dishes thing always makes me a little mad.  Or to find food wrappers all over the house. Once I found a doritos package in Awsumb's bedroom. He said the babysitter gave him a snack before bed  - in bed? DORITOS?  You have to be kidding me.  Actually we have pretty much been blessed with great babysitters.

On the flip side, we only have one child and I am sure don't pay as much as other families in the area.  And we almost always call last minute.  Because we don't get babysitters very often it's a party when we do.  I usually let Awsumb have Kraft Mac and Cheese on babysitter nights.  And for him to have a playmate to hangout with all evening... someone paid to listen to him talk, talk, talk.... well, he's in heaven.

After hearing about a few babysitting disasters from friends, and because I know a babysitter probably doesn't remember all the stuff we tell them as we are running out the door, I created this little Note to the Babysitter.  I hope you find it useful.  I have this printed on 1/2 sheet of paper and just fill it out and leave it with the sitter.  Some things seem obvious, but I feel it's just better to make sure everyone knows the rules.

Note to Babysitter…

Dinner and Snacks_____________
• Awsumb can only have snack/treat if he ate his lunch/dinner.
• Please rinse and load dishes.
• No food upstairs or in the family room.

TV & Video Games____________
• Awsumb may watch ONE movie after dinner.
• He may only select a movie from HIS movie collection.
• Only “E” rated Xbox or Wii games.
• The computer/internet and office are off limits.

Activities and play______________
(sometimes I suggest games, activites or even homework that needs to be finished)

Bedtime______________________
• Please help Awsumb clean up any toys left out.
• Brush teeth, Potty, PJ's
• Awsumb should put his clothes into the laundry sorter.

Thank you for babysitting for us tonight!
• Please help yourself to any food or drink you like.
• If the family room is cool in the evening feel free to cover up with a quilt.
• No need to answer the phone unless you recognize the number on caller id.

We will be at________ Until____
Please call if you have any questions or concerns…
Daddy's Cell 867-5309
Mommy’s Cell 867-5309
Neighbors Phone 867-5309

In case of emergency call 911
House Address 123 Cherrywood Lane, Anywhere USA
House Phone 867-5309

Tonight we were blessed with a great babysitter. The first ever who DID THE DISHES!  I guess she's a keeper.  Didn't you just love that old movie, "Adventures in Babysitting?'  Though none of my babysitting jobs were quite that exciting, I sure had my fair share of odd situations - inlcuding: the little boy that I had the hide the kitchen knives from, a family that lived on the wrong side of the tracks (literally), and a little girl who choose to share a little bit too much family information with me!

Candy Experiments

Last year in What's the Deal with Halloween?  I posted about my frustrations regarding Halloween.  Such a simple holiday.. and after years of fear and over commercialization we have turned it into something that stresses people out!  And because we were so afraid of letting our kids Trick or Treat door to door, we started providing so many 'other options' to get candy that our kids have too much candy!

The same people who days before Halloween were stressed out are now now complaining their kids have too much candy and are talking about throwing it all out!?!  Over commercialism/consumerism and The Wal-Mart Effect at it's best!

So what do we do now that each of our kids have a punch bowl full of candy?  Here are some ideas:
Awsumb's class is sending leftover candy to the troops. Save some for Christmas (I have been known to do this).  Ship it to your brother in Africa (done this one too!)  Or there is always.....

Candy Experiments! is a fun blog by a local mom.  I have met her before, but ran into her again this weekend at the church Trunk or Treat.  She wrote an article found in Parent Map regarding this new dilemna.

Try these with your kids and tell me which Candy Experiments they like best!  What do you do with all your extra Halloween candy?

Baby Soda Bottles

What is a baby soda bottle?  They are the preforms used to make 2-liter bottles.  The tubes are placed in a vacuum mold and heated to become the shape that we are used to seeing filled with soda pop!

Steven Spangler (you have probably seen his You Tube videos with mentos and coke) suggested the idea of using them as test tubes for kids. They are indestructible, you can seal them with their lid and they are super fun!  You can buy them at StevenSpanglerScience.com.  We used these for our Harry Potter Pop Rocks Potion at my son's birthday party.

Other Baby Soda Bottle Activity ideas

1-A Discovery Tube – Collect treasures on your next nature walk. Use the test tube to collect dirt samples, leaves, good old bugs or samples of water from ponds and streams. Study with a magnifying glass or microscope.

2 - Roots with a View – Grow simple green plants in the tube and watch the sprouting process. Learn about growth and plants needs by placing loosely packed soil or growing medium in the tube along with a few radish, pea or bean seeds. Over the course of a few days, watch how the plants grow and how the roots spread out for water and nutrients.

3 – Wave Bottle – Fill test tube ¾ full with vegetable oil. Fill the rest of the bottle with water. Add a few drops of food coloring and seal with the cap. Notice how the dye colors the water and not the oil. Tip bottle back and forth to create wave.

4 – Time Capsule – Use the test tube to hide and protect a secret message to be opened in the future.

5 – Color Shake Up – This activity requires a small amount of colored lamp oil. Be careful not to get the lamp oil around any open flames. Fill the test tube with equal parts of lamp oil and water. Food coloring can be used to color the water. If you are using yellow lamp oil, color the water with a few drops of blue food coloring. Seal the test tube with a cap and shake up the liquids. Yellow & blue makes green.

6- Dancing Beads – Fill the bottle half full with small Styrofoam beads (like those found in beanbag chairs). Add water until the beads begin to overflow the bottle. Seal with a cap and watch the Styrofoam beads jockey for position in the bottle. This is an easy sway to help young scientists get a better grip on the notion of density.

7- Magnifying Glass – Fill the test tube to the very top with water and seal it with a cap. Hold the test tube up against newspaper print to magnify the letters. The water magnifies the message.

8- The Erupting, Bubbling Blob – Fill the test tube ¾ full with cooking oil (ordinary vegetable oil works well). Add one cap full of water to the oil in the test tube. Notice how the oil and water to not mix. Drop one or two drops of food coloring into the test tube, but do not seal the tube with a cap just yet. Notice how the dye colors only the water and not the oil. Divide in and Alka-Seltzer tablet into quarters and drops one section into the tube. Watch what happens to the bubbling water on the bottoms of the tube. After the lava blobs have stopped bubbling fill the rest of the tube with oil until it’s almost overflowing. Cap the tube tightly. Tip the test tube back and forth and watch what happens. The tiny droplets of liquid join together to make one big lava-like blob.

9- Glitter Wand – Fill the test tube ¾ with cooking oil , add heavy colored beads, glitter and mylar confetti. Top the tube off with cooking oil, seal with a cap. Tip the tub back and forth to make your concoction move and sparkle.

10- Color Mixing with your eyes – Fill three test tubes almost to the top with water. Add drops of blue food coloring to one test tube and seal it with a cap. Do the same thing with the other two using yellow &red food coloring. Hold each test tube up to your eyes near light to observe the color. Now, cross the yellow & blue tubes in front of your eyes, looking through both of them at the same time. What color do you see? Green! Cross the red & blue tubes in similar fashion to make purple. What color does red & yellow make

11 – Test Tube Twist – Stretch a rubber band around all three test tubes you make in the previous experiment. Hold the tube trio up to your eyes and look at the light. What colors do you see? Now, slowly twist the test tube and a watch the colors changes before your eyes. Cool!

12 – Make Your Own Twister – fill the test tube ¾ full with water and add a few drops of liquid soap. Seal the bottle with a cap and start twisting. The swirling motion of the soap and water will make a twisting turning vortex. It’s your very own pet tornado!

13 – Pop Goes the Weasel – Find a cork that fits snugly into the open test tube. Fill the bottle half full with water. Divide and Alka-Seltzer tablet into quarters and drop one section into the tube. Quickly seal the test tube with the cork and point the corked and way form anything living. Pow! The cork goes sailing.

What fun things can you think of to do with baby soda bottles?

Mommy Blogs

Sure I have posted pictures of my kid on the internet. We live far away from family and pre-blogging days this was my way to let them see my child grow. Interestingly enough my own child got the most out of it and looked at his pages regularly.

I was mocked by some college kids in Australia who just couldn't get over the fact that someone names their child Awsumb and posted all these happy smiling pictures.  "Are they really happy all of the time?  Is their life really that perfect?  And just look at those extravagant meals out and their big SUV.  Doesn't this family ever have any sorrow or problems?"  Sure, as we all know I have my share of pain, but we don't take pictures of it, do we?  We take pictures of  the good times, the funny times, the things we want to remember.  It was just a family photo album after all!


And now everyone is doing it.  Mommy Blogging... But back then it still took few emails with one of these young girls from Australia  for her to understand that this was simply our online photo album set up to share pictures with our family.  And that although we might look extravagant my husband walked to work every day, we had overcome much family pain and were just doing the best we could to improve the world around us.  We also found out that we had much in common and would love to have them over and enjoy a big pot on minestrone soup or maybe just go out for sushi!

After a few years I realized I needed to protect the site... But the 'cobbler's kids never have any shoes' and although I am married to a computer nerd, he never had time to set this up for me. When my son began school I decided it was not safe post specific information and stopped updating the site as completely as I would have liked, awaiting my husband to do this simple task for me.  And I never posted embarrassing pictures or stories.  Even after you delete them, it's amazing what can surface!

The last thing our kids need during their awkward years is their friends finding their Mommy's Blogs with all the gory details about them potty training and puking in the living room.  (and who wants to read about that anyway - gross!  I do not want to know when your kids or pets poop on the living room carpet!)


This is a little irreverent, so you have been warned.. but here is how one child fights back..  or should I say her mother cashes in on the idea of anti-mommy blogs...

Bedtimes Are For Suckers! A preschooler fed up with being exploited her mom's "mommy blog" tells her side of the story.

PS I am not anti mommy blogging.. this  is after all a mommy blog ... and I still have an online photo scrapbook, which I am still waiting for my husband to secure to I can share with only those I wish!

In the spirit of mommy blogging here are two embarrassing photos of Awsumb - modeling his first little swim suit and the day he emptied out and entire box of Kleenex!  I did not take pictures of the time he threw an entire bowl of macaroni and cheese and peas on the floor while I was on the phone!  I was too upset to even do anything more than freak out! LOL!

How do you decide what's appropriate to share about your family/children?

Reality TV - Real or Not - Those poor kids!

Relating to The Hunger Games (click to read previous post) and Reality TV Rant Part 2-

I have recently heard and read a few comments from people regarding a new reality show. The situation this family is living in is a type that could, and probably does create drama. Interestingly enough the family beliefs about living such a life are just what help them keep the drama in check and stay commited to improving their family.

The people who complain about the show mostly talk about how boring it was and that it lacked drama.  All because the circumstances promised to deliver catfights and family drama.

I think Kate Gosselin has really pushed this type of thing over the edge. TLC might not have meant for it to happen but sure played that theme to it's death and even forced the D word on The Little People.

Is nothing entertaining anymore unless it's watching a family be torn apart? Why are we so HUNGRY for disaster on Reality TV?  I've been there, done that and wouldn't wish it on anyone, so why is it so great to watch on TV?  I guess because of the "told ya so" or "I just knew they weren't perfect."

Really, who wants to watch someone's hopes and dreams die?  And I haven't even mentioned the children...  The children who have no choice but to be paraded all over TV on a reality show. The worst is those babysitting or nanny shows.  Sure it's fun to watch an overwhelmed parent and say, "they shouldn't have even had kids!" But is it going to be fair to those totally rotten kids to have for their friends watch the replay on You Tube when they are 12.... All about how they were a total brat and lived in a messy house when they were preschoolers.  Most of these families and children have severe emotional issues and need long term counseling.

How much will it take for people to decide that reality tv has gone to far?

The Hunger Games

I just finished reading The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins.  Katniss is forced to participate in a televised - to the death "game show."  The author said Katniss is a cross between a modern Theseus and Sparticus in the Gladiator games.  Suzanne's inspiration for this story came after channel surfing between the war in Iraq and a reality show where young people were fighting for money.  The characters in the book who created the hunger games, their attitudes and absorption with the show they were creating, came from her experience with people she's worked with in her television career.

What would the author like for us to take away from the book?  How do you feel about the fact that some people take their next meal for granted when so many other people are starving in the world?  What do you think about choices your government, past or present or other governments around the world make?  What's your relationship to Reality TV compared to your relationship with The News?  Did anything in this book disturb you because it reflected and aspect of your own life?  And what can you do about it?

While the first book really drew me in and was sure a page turner, by book three I was a little bored and even tempted to just skip parts to get to the end of the story.  I didn't end up skipping and read through.  But by the end, I didn't really care who died, who Katniss ended up with, etc... and just maybe, that's just the point.

By the end of book three I was numb to the killings that were so shocking in book one... too numb to have any real feelings for the characters... And the thought of characters even suggesting holding 'one last hunger games to end them all'... well, I just lost interest. Obviously these were just characters in a book... but to think about how quickly I was numb to their feelings, their loss...  This is the reason it's so important we don't let ourselves become decensitized to the world around us.  Because media of all forms is so easily accessible today, I think this can happen quite easily.  And if we all become indifferent to what's going on around the world, because it doesn't seem to directly effect us, it will eventually be us who suffer.

Recently our family watched The Adams Family movie with our son. I remember thinking this was a fun movie when I was younger and seeing the old television reruns as a child.  We had popcorn and he seemed to enjoy movie night.  But afterwards he told us that this really disturbed him and he wouldn't want to watch it again. I felt bad for having subjected him to something I thought of as harmless.  He is so young, innocent and sensitive. I think allowing him to stay that way as long as possible will make him a kinder person in the long run. 

I am glad we have made choices for him about avoiding many popular video games, movies, and television shows that he just doesn't need to worry about right now.  And this leaves room for him to devour all the other good books, music, movies, art there is out there.  "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." (LDS Article of Faith 13) 

Kenneth and Awsumb are reading Suzanne Collins The Underland Chronicles about a boy named Gregor and his adventures into the underground of New York City.  That series is aimed a younger audience and it sounds like they are enjoying it.  But since reading about bugs would freak me out, I think I will skip that one!  Because, as we all know, if you want to think about bugs, just grab a snickers!  (click to see previous post regarding spiders in candy bars...)

These books reminded me of my views on reality tv and mommy blogs...