Potty Time

The diaper years were a nightmare for me.  And I will admit to calling Kenneth home from the office a time or two.  It was just more than I could take... not to mention having to change anyone else's kid (more about that later!)  I was very specific about diapering rituals.  One of the added benefits of breastfeeding is that breastfed babies diapers are sooo much easier to deal with!  Thank goodness!  At one point I was asked to be part of a study for a diaper company.  Once the lady started going through the specifics with me I knew there was no way I could handle such a thing.  "But you'll get paid," they lady kept saying as I told her this was just wasn't going to work!

I couldn't wait to potty train and luckily my child expressed interest quickly.  So first off was to find a children's book on the subject. So many books on this subject are so gross and even inappropriate for kids.  I didn't want some book with pictures of a kid bending over say, "I have a hole right here."  (seriously found one that included and illustration... And then there was the humorous ones... I simply don't tolerate potty humor.  I was so happy when I found THE POTTY BOOK by Alyssa Satin Capucilli

The Potty Book comes in a pink and blue version, one for girls and one for boys.  The star of the book is Henry, who is growing up and "can do lots of things each day..."  One day Mommy brings him home a box, "My very own potty, to use when I am ready."  Henry practices sitting on the potty and even has an accident.  Then one morning he wakes up and says, "I'm off to the potty, I think this time I'm ready!"  His parents celebrate and Henry gets to pick out new underwear.  Henry's a big boy now and "can run and jump and play without a wet diaper getting in his way."  My little boy just loved this book and quickly had it memorized and felt the need to repeat it loudly in public restrooms!

Much like weaning from the breast children first need to be ready. Expose them to potty time. From most of what I have read it helps if they have seen other people go potty (I know, this is more than you want to know!)  But if they know this is what big kids and adults do they aren't as worried about it.

Next - for me was to skip the potty chair. I went out to find the perfect little easy to clean chair.  The first time some other kid came over and used it that was it for me! It was contaminated and I wanted nothing more to do with it. Instead pick out a nice stool and seat that clips on the big potty.

No Pullups!  Get some nice thick cotton training pants. Dress your kids in sweats with elastic around the ankles and stay home for a few days.  Everyone I know that used Pullups during the day took longer training their child. Even at night I would try to avoid them.  Often, especially boys can have issues at night later one, even years after potty training.  At that point they can be useful if you are sick of changing sheets in the middle of the night.

It's all or nothing.  In my opinion if your kid isn't trained to go #2, they aren't trained.  I can't even tell you the nightmares I have had with other people's kids when it comes to #2.  Don't go around bragging that they are trained, then dropping them off to be babysat for the day.  Oh and if they haven't gone #2 for a couple days that would be good info to share as well!  Enough said!  LOL!  And please offer to help clean up the mess or at least your own child instead of standing them laughing at the person having a panic attack!  I seriously needed some serious meds after that episode!

Rewards - M&M's must be in the invisible parenting book.  That's because they work!  At the time I potty trained my little boy MINI M&M's were all the rage and even in mini form 2-3 worked like a charm!

What are your best potty training tips?

Softly Scented, Mildly Abrasive

Kenneth came up with this and well, it's a pretty great description of me.  He knows me all too well. I'd rather be naked than be without lipstick and purfume.  But sometimes I can be a little abrasive... As in my thoughts regarding these parents:

Read my response Rahna Reiko Rizzuto's decision to
Leave Her Children Behind

and to Amy Chua's article
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

So what's my favorite lipstick anyway?  Well, since I began wearing Bare Minerals Buxom and Natural Lip Gloss (which my Auntie introduced me too.) I rarely carry a true lipstick anymore and recently realized I only have two tubes of actual lipstick and they are just about gone!  My two favorite shades are Heartcake and Sugared Strawberry!  Thanks Auntie for feeding my lipgloss addiction!  Oh and even better- the smell like cake or sugar cookies!

What's your favorite lipstick?

What's wrong with teaching dance to 6 year olds!

Recently we saw the movie Adjustment Bureau, which all about destiny.  The main character is faced with the choice to let the love of his life lead her life without him as she goes on to be a great dancer and choreographer or spend their life together AND.... wait for it... teach dance to six year olds!

What's so wrong with teaching dance to 6 year olds anyway?  Happily Ever After with the love of your life, a family and inspiring six year olds, giving them a love and appreciation for music and movement sounds like a happy ending if I ever heard one!  After being released from serving for years in the Children's Primary Presidency at church I was presented with a beautiful framed saying:

One Hundred Years from now

It will not matter

what kind of car I drove,

What kind of house I lived in,

how much money was in my bank account

nor what my clothes looked like.

But the world may be a better place because

I was important in the life of a child.

 
Sometimes I think people mix up priorities...  Besides the fact that this movie was advertised to look like adventure, it was simple a love story and because I don't usually like romance stuff... I didn't think think it was very good.... This movie was so predictable, I actually spent time checking out the decor and lighting in the theater!  BLACK SWAN on the other hand - LOVED IT!

What's your version of Happily Ever After?

I am coming up on 16 years of marriage. Click to read about my Love Story

And don't forget this artists version of these Fallen Princesses

To read more about this subject and the Divine Role of Women see my previous blog: Making the Home a Sacred Place

COPY CAT!

Last week a good friend and I finally met up to celebrate our birthdays.  My friend suggest Olive Garden for lunch.  We decide to get the salad and soup lunch. I had not been to Olive Garden in some time and had no idea they even had other soups to choose from besides minestrone!  After eating multiple bowls of Zuppa Toscana I decided I would have to make this at home... success!  Definately needs LOTS of Red Pepper Flakes and the Kosher Salt and some pepper made a big difference.

Years ago we took a friend out to our favorite local Italian place and he was dissapointed they didn't have Toasted Ravioli. I admit those little fried raviolis from the Olive Garden are yummy, but hello, there is so much better Italian food out there!  Anyway, because we love him anyway, I found a copycat recipe and made these for him as a suprise and he loved them.  This would make a fun addition on soup night! 

Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana

1 lb. Italian Sausage

2 large Russet Baking Potatoes sliced in half, and then in 1/4 inch slices

1 large Onion, chopped
6 Slices of bacon or 6 tsp. Real Bacon Bits
2 cloves garlic minced
2 C. Kale or Swiss chard or Escarole - chopped
2 (14.5 ounce) cans Chicken Broth
1 qt. Water
1 C. Heavy Whipping Cream or Half and Half

Brown sausage, drain on paper towels and set aside.

Sauté onion until soft. Add potatoes, chicken broth, water, garlic in pot, and cook on medium heat until potatoes are done (about 30 minutes). Add sausage, bacon, salt, and pepper to taste, and simmer for another 10 minutes. Turn to low heat, add kale and cream and heat through. Season with Red Pepper Flakes, Kosher Salt and Black Pepper to taste. Garnish with shaved parmesan cheese. Serves 6.

A lower carb suggestion I found says to use cauliflower instead of potatoes. Because I love cauliflower I am going to try that next time.

Olive Garden Toasted Ravioli

16 oz Package of Meat Filled Ravioli (thawed)

2 Eggs Beaten

1/4 C Water

1 tsp. Garlic Salt

1 C. Flour

1 C. Bread Crumbs Plain

1 tsp. Italian Seasoning

Mix water with eggs and beat well, set aside. Mix Italian seasonings and garlic salt with the bread crumbs and set this aside. Measure flour in bowl and set aside.

Heat vegetable oil in deep fryer or skillet to 350 degrees for deep frying.

Dip ravioli in flour then in the egg wash then in bread crumbs and carefully place in hot oil. Fry until golden, remove from oil and drain. Serve with your favorite marinara sauce.

What's your favorite Copy Cat Recipe?

The Boy On Fairfield Street

Who was this boy that grew up on Fairfield street?  None other than the same man that taught children to try new things, celebrate individuality and all about fairness in a funny interesting way.  Ted Geisel was born March 2, 1904.  His mother's wish was that he would grow up to be a doctor.

If she would have only known that today no children's library would be complete without Ted's books.  The Boy on Fairfield Street is not only a book for children, but adults as well.  Check it out!

Children all over are celebrating the works of Dr. Seuss this week. I think it only fitting that he be recognized on this day of Awesomeness! LOL!  My son's homework this weekend is to create a character inspired by Dr. Seuss and write a story, poem or comic about the character.

(check back for picture)

What is your favorite Dr. Seuss book or character?

IDOA

Ever wondered what it is like to be Awesome?

Well, it's your day, because today is...

Click here to see what IDOA is all about.

For one day only

YOU TOO

CAN BE AWESOME! 

Please note:

 to be truly Awesome

you must perform

 FEATS OF SKILL!

Check out this book for ideas: 

An Awesome Book

What feats of skill

will you perform today

to prove your Awesomeness?

It appears mother nature wins this round of Awesome!
WOW, the earthquake and folllowing tsunami in Japan is just devastating! 
Times like this make us realize how small we really are compared to the earth's natural forces.

And to all my friends that send comments and emails...
you ARE Awesome friends, mothers, daughters, wives and sisters everyday!

Too Much Tough Love, Not Enough LOVE!

"I'm smart; you're dumb;

I'm big, you're little;

I'm right, you're wrong,

and there's nothing you can do about it."

-Roald  Dahl

Let's talk... Read this article from the Wall Street Journal by Amy Chua, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

I have lived in the fake family before. I lived with the controlling mother who expected perfection. A- was nothing to get excited about ... it was a MINUS and might as well have been and F.  And with a parent like that sooner or later you realize nothing will be good enough and you stop caring.  There is a difference between being a strict parenting and simply breaking your child's spirit!

While I believe in having high expectations, discipline, and routine I also believe in love and nurturing.  Making the home a safe place is part of Making The Home A Sacred Place.  By a safe home I mean a home in which children are allowed to fail or having short comings.  A loving parent will help a child overcome and work with these shortcomings, not hold it over their heads.  Or worse, using their vulnerabilities to manipulate and control them.

When we provide a safe place for children to fall they learn from those stumbles and avoid bigger falls later in life. My father told me about a family he observed.  He noticed that the parents sometimes let the teens make choices that he wasn't sure he would want his kids to make.  But as he continued to observe them and watch them grow up to become productive members of society he realized that the parents were closely watching their kids and allowing them the room to learn and grow from these small failures.

Don't get me wrong, I believe as a whole, western society does not have high enough expectations regarding behavior, work effort, school work, etc.  Tony Wagner, author of The Global Achievement Gap talks a little about this in his lectures regarding education.  He noticed that as an educator the western parents came to him at conferences saying, "Why are you giving my kids so much work." While eastern parents wanted to know why the kids were not going more math and science. 

I think this is because many eastern families have come to America more recently. They know what they are striving for - education, which will give them security and freedom.  While many Americans have begun taking these things for granted.  I believe when you expect more out of kids they give you more and if we all should have high expectations regarding behavior and education they would do better. This is evident whenever I work with kids, whether it be at school, church or in my own home, kids quickly learn how I expect them to behave and they quickly live up to it.

During the coverage of the current crises in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami many times has it been mentioned that there is no looting. This is part of the culture of respect, but also about expectations.

All that said, I think Tiger Mom is a joke.  She revels in tearing down her children, and laughs if off. I simply have no more to say about her.  Recently I found this, "It is easier to build up a child than to repair an adult. Your words and actions have amazing power in your child's life, use them wisely!"

Click to read more about my thoughts regarding High Expectations and Celebrating Your Child.

Leaving Your Children Behind?

Let's talk...Read this article on SALON.COM about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto's decision to leave her children behind.

For 16 years all I have wanted is to have babies and be a mother. During this time I have gone through all the typical phases of feelings including being upset when friends or family have baby after baby... Although those years were short and it was later much easier to be happy for friends and family who were expecting it was still annoying to hear them complain about being pregnant and having children. And of course we were eventually blessed with our own little miracle...

But before that a friend who had previously commiserated with me during her own fertility struggle, got pregnant and had a baby. So, when she told me that she signed up for the "This Is Not What I Expected Class" at the hospital it was all I could do to not roll my eyes. I think she struggled with PPD and some other issues. But still, just the title of that class still really annoys me at times. I imagine what type of women would sign up for this sort of class. I am sure it included career woman who weren't sure if they ever wanted to have a baby, but might have felt like it was just the next thing to do or just happened to get pregnant.

After all, what DID you expect?  The role of being a parent and especially a mother is not easy, the only instruction books are mostly written by male doctors who may not even know what they are talking about (Ezzo).  But however it is that one comes about to be a mother - that's it, you a mother! So as you can imagine reading about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto and her decision to leave her children behind as she researches and writes a book about the survivors of Hiroshima just infuriates me.  You don't just get to pick and choose when you want to actually live that role.  It's day in and day out, the rewards of which may never even be seen in your lifetime!

This is simple abandonment and detachment and makes me sick.  Mothers who do this had no business being mother in the first place!  My view may seem harsh, but another abandoned child knows exactly how I feel.

While the family I grew up in wasn't Hiroshima it was definitely WW3 behind the scenes.  From the time were young my siblings and I talked about our parents divorcing and we even decided who would go with who. 

Eventually the day came when my mother had an affair and decided to leave us behind.  She told my husband that she knew exactly what she was doing, that we didn't need her anymore (my baby sister was only twelve!)  And eventually after an argument in which she tried to tell us why she did nothing wrong (and all the reasons why my own Father didn't love me...) I had it and decided this was the perfect time to let this toxic person go from my life.  She then told my husband that she knew that would happen and she was fine with that. What kind of mother tells this to their child?   And later went on to tell us how she was now happy and moved on and if WE had a problem with it, maybe WE should seek counseling? 
This is so typical of divorced parents.  "I'm fine, I'm better off now... if you are still sad or upset or don't understand that's YOUR problem."  You can read more about this is in Barbara Defoe Whitehead's The Divorce Culture.

Even in cases of divorce after abuse or other issues where a parent may be better off it is never appropriate to say this to a child.  Children know what really happened, they may know about the abuse or affair, but that is still their mother and father and in a perfect world they wish they could be together.  So when a parent moves on, leaving the children behind they really twist that knife in just a little deeper.

After years of observing divorced parents I am quick to notice the signs of a parent doing this very thing. Sometimes they may not even actually say something to the child, but actions speak louder than words. I have seen mothers go from really be there for their kids day in and day out to picking and choosing when THEY want to be mom. They leave their kids too fend for themselves. They leave their kids with sitters, the other spouse or let them spend days at a time with other families as they pursue new relationships and a new life.  To make it even worse I have seen them begin new families and basically discard their previous kids and families as they dote on the new children.

I realize some of this may be the parents way to deal with the divorce. And I am sure the children remind them of the x-spouse at times and leaving them behind or at least putting distance between them as they pursue new interests, new relationships, new families and personal interests is just their way of coping.  But what about the kids?  Who will be there to help them cope? 

Parents like this will find years later that they really do not have the relationship they thought they had with their kids.  Statistics show that young adults these days have decided they don't want to be married and have families because of the bad example of their parents.  Thus will come a whole generation of kids from parents who were never really married or committed as they spend their life pursing the above mentioned relationships, career dreams and personal interests.

When I look around the world and see all the problems various people are trying to solve including disease, violence and war, I know that all of these could be solved by placing a higher value on Family, which I believe to be a sacred unit that can save the world, one child at a time!  When we place more focus on our own interests we leave our family behind.

When I was a child I loved the story My Turn On Earth by Carol Lynn Pearson and especially the song, It Isn't Good To Be Alone.  I believe God didn't mean for us to work our way through this often dreary world alone. He meant for us to have a family.

To read more about this subject and the Divine Role of Women see my previous blog: Making the Home a Sacred Place

Experience Life in the New Year!

At a time when many people are already giving up on their New Year's goals and resolutions it's time to talk about Goals vs. Experiences.  From the Merriam Webster dictionary:

GOAL
Etymology: Middle English gol boundary, limit
1 a : the terminal point of a race b : an area to be reached safely in children's games
2 : the end toward which effort is directed : AIM
3 a : an area or object toward which players in various games attempt to advance a ball or puck and usually through or into which it must go to score points b : the act or action of causing a ball or puck to go through or into such a goal c : the score resulting from such an act
synonym: see INTENTION

Many years ago I was asked to share my thoughts on “Goals” during a church leadership meeting. As I thought about the word goals the first thing that came to my mind was the typical New Year’s Resolutions and the second thing was the endless goals we were expected to pass off in Primary (Children's Sunday School) as part of the Gospel in Action program and later the Young Women Personal Progress Program at church. These goals usually came from a suggested list. They were something quickly finished to earn an award. Although they were often worthwhile activities, they were often overdone projects and I never felt like I personally owned them.So as I prepared to share my thoughts about this subject I went to the dictionary. Although I understood the meaning of the word, I just needed to clear my head. The more I thought about this in terms of spirituality, the definition of the word Goal defined the reason those programs asked us to set goals. And the end point was to return to our Heavenly Father in safety.

Some years ago the LDS church made some changes to the children’s Sunday School award program. The Gospel in Action program was changed to the Faith in God program. And the goals are now called activities. The Young Women organization also revised the Personal Progress program and now refer to the goals as EXPERIENCES! I love this… in order to build their own testimony the youth will need to really feel like they OWN these personal experiences of study, prayer and living the gospel.

Part of the definition of the word experience says, “the fact of state of having been affected by or gained knowledge though direct observation and participation. Practical knowledge, skill or practice derived from direct observation of or participation."

I truly believe the revisions to these programs were inspired…  changing the focus to simple, faith promoting experiences.  And after the small token award is earned it has hopefully become a habit to continually experience and live the gospel as the youth grow closer to the final goal.

And now as I think about New Year’s goals and resolutions, I feel the important part of goals and resolutions is not about the end result. The important part is about the experience. It is only in the experience that we will learn and grow.

Just as an intention to do something does not always guarantee success goals are often given up. So as you give up on or revise your New Year’s resolutions and goals for you and your family… make sure to focus on the experience, not the end result. I believe our biggest role as a parent is to provide experiences for our children to personally own that will help them learn and grow.  In the future rather than give them goals with limits and boundaries, think about providing them with simple experiences.  What experiences do you plan to provide for your children this year?

TLC - Freak Show

Reality TV has brought the old time circus freak show into our living rooms. Really, how far is to far?  This is a funny promo parody including many of the current TLC listings with a twist...

I think there is a difference between education and exploitation.