Each person in the home has a main responsibility. Father – to work and provide for our family; Mother – homemaker, the one who manages our household; Children – to learn and grow, get an education. Each member of a household also has other things they must do to contribute and make the house run. These basic tasks are done because of the pride in he family and home. No payment is earned."The Continuum Concept" is Jean Liedloff's observations while she lived with Stone Age Indians in the South American jungle. This became a cult parenting book appealing to many of those who believe in Attachment Parenting. One of the things she talks about is the Indians' attitude towards work. She writes,
"There appeared to be no Yequana concept of work similar to ours. There were words for each activity that might have been included, but no generic term."
Liedloff continues to discuss how these people simply went about doing their daily tasks and chores without the dread that we have come to develop in our society. Gathering water and such were simply things that needed to be done in order to live. (You can read more about this in the article WHY WORK) I knew I wanted to adopt this attitude in my own household…
Household tasks are called responsibilities. Awsumb is given new ones each year as he grows and learns to do things on his own. Also expected as a member of our family everyone helps when asked . I have also teach him to look for things that need to be done. If we want to live in a clean, organized happy home we must ALL do our part. Awsumb is expected to help with anything that we ask such as: cooking dinner, unloading things from the car, special projects etc.
Working side by side is a very important opportunity for teaching children about responsiblities. A good friend of ours spoke in church about a time that while working in the garden, he had a wonderful discussion with his son... one that might not have come about in any other circumstance. While I am sure that his children may have sometimes complained, I have personally worked side by side their children and experienced their willingness to fully engage in the task and enjoy being together.
Start early. Since we have been doing this from the beginning our son has grown up with the attitude that it's fun to help out and even when it's not fun, that it's simply something that must get done. Awsumb started helping around the house as soon as he could walk. Even if that meant I had to slow down or he was just following me around. I have noticed that Awsumb is able to find joy is being part of simple tasks and family projects especially when working alongside elders. Do you remember a time that you might have felt accomplished and important working alongside a parent as a child?
DO NOT tie an allowance or reward system to jobs. Because we all have things we have to do around the house to keep it in order, we do not get paid for doing them. No one will pay Awsumb to clean his room when he is in college or when he is married! And who needs to take out the trash to earn $ .50 when Grandma just sent $20 in the mail? How hard you work is not always connected to how much you make. I believe being responsible for basic household tasks gives children personal responsibility and gives them a sense of pride. When we reward them we can interfere with their feelings of personal worth. (Read Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars.)
Everyone earns an allowance simply for being a part of the household. To determine how much to pay your child you must first determine how much your child needs based on what you expect him to do with the money. Awsumb earns $1 a week per year of age (this could also work once a month). So right now he gets $8. He is expected to tithe on his money, save some and the rest is spending. He spends his allowance on books, small toys and saves up for larger items. Sometimes he spends his money on activities like going to the movies with Dad. He often puts money towards gifts. Over the years we have also watched him donate money to causes that were important to him.
If there is something special he needs to earn money for we can then help him find ways to make money either by providing special things in our own home or looking for jobs in our neighborhood. Awsumb also has a lemonade stand in the summers and has done odd jobs for small change from the neighbors.
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
How do allowance and household tasks work in your family?
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