The classic book about OCD is The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing His Hands. While it is a great book those who want to understand what is really going on inside the head of their loved one who suffers from OCD, I recommend The Devil in the Details to anyone.
“In this 1970s memoir, Traig describes how, from the age of 12 until her freshman year at Brandeis, she suffered from various forms of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), including anorexia and a rarer, "hyper-religious form" of OCD called scrupulosity, in which sanctified rituals such as hand washing and daily prayer are repeated in endless loops. The daughter of a Jewish father and a Catholic mother, Traig becomes obsessed with Jewish ritual, inventing her own prayers since her Jewish education is limited.” - Amazon Reviews
I loved this book and related to Jennifer's struggles. I found the scrupulosity about religious rituals hilarious because anyone who is religious and suffers from OCD has probably been there! To this day when I silently pray I feel like it doesn’t count and will not be heard if I hurry too quickly through the end… I must repeat the prayer, making sure I repeat the closing s-l-o-w-l-y enough to really pronounce the words perfectly in my head before I can move on. It’s as if I feel I am being disrespectful if I don’t. Because thoughts run so fast in my head this is often hard. And that is only the tip of the iceberg!
I have lived many scenes in this book.
A few years ago a friend of mine told me about her first encounter with me. One that I didn’t even know about. She said I was freaking out in the restroom at church. I had taken Awsumb in and was just going nuts about him not touching anything and getting washed up properly. I can imagine I was a little on edge during those potty training years. The funny thing is that Awsumb was often more freaked out than me, refusing to go in a gas station that had a rip in the flooring because it was “dirty.” LOL! Anyway, my friend said that she looked at someone else in the room with a “What’s her problem?!” glance and the other person just quietly responded, “She has issues!” I love it!
Yep, I have issues. I have severe issues about cleanliness and contamination. I recognize that many of them are irrational. But that’s the way OCD works.
Once while staying at my in-laws house I had washed a load of laundry… baby items. Kenneth was bringing them up to me and I saw something fall out of the basket.. You know what he did? He picked it up!! And just as he was about to put it back in I totally lost it! “I can see you! That touched the carpet! It’s contaminated!” And strike 254 with my mother in-law as she saw the whole scene and am sure felt bad that I thought her house was contaminated. The truth is that I feel this way about ALL carpeting including the carpeting in my own house. Carpeting is contaminated you know! If something touches the ground, that’s it, it has to be washed again.
The problem with an incident like this is that not only do I offend my mother in-law, but that I will no longer trust my husband, believing he will try to get away with something like that… and well, that’s not good for any marriage. I sure it is exhausting being married to me.
I used to have a funny ritual I would do with calculators. See, I didn’t know if I could trust them… so I had a series of calculations I would do to “prove” they were in working order before I would use them. For some reason my husband laughed his head off when I told him this. Similarly I love to check the compass with my new IPhone. Some of it is just for fun.. but also I need to make sure it really works in case I ever really need it… I am always thinking about things like this. Does something really work, how do i know... I better keep checking...
Over the years my OCD rituals come and go and I learn to live with them and even love some of them. There are some things too personal to share and some things you just don’t want to know. This blog is less about sharing every detail… because The Devil is in the Details!
I loved this book and related to Jennifer's struggles. I found the scrupulosity about religious rituals hilarious because anyone who is religious and suffers from OCD has probably been there! To this day when I silently pray I feel like it doesn’t count and will not be heard if I hurry too quickly through the end… I must repeat the prayer, making sure I repeat the closing s-l-o-w-l-y enough to really pronounce the words perfectly in my head before I can move on. It’s as if I feel I am being disrespectful if I don’t. Because thoughts run so fast in my head this is often hard. And that is only the tip of the iceberg!
I have lived many scenes in this book.
A few years ago a friend of mine told me about her first encounter with me. One that I didn’t even know about. She said I was freaking out in the restroom at church. I had taken Awsumb in and was just going nuts about him not touching anything and getting washed up properly. I can imagine I was a little on edge during those potty training years. The funny thing is that Awsumb was often more freaked out than me, refusing to go in a gas station that had a rip in the flooring because it was “dirty.” LOL! Anyway, my friend said that she looked at someone else in the room with a “What’s her problem?!” glance and the other person just quietly responded, “She has issues!” I love it!
Yep, I have issues. I have severe issues about cleanliness and contamination. I recognize that many of them are irrational. But that’s the way OCD works.
Once while staying at my in-laws house I had washed a load of laundry… baby items. Kenneth was bringing them up to me and I saw something fall out of the basket.. You know what he did? He picked it up!! And just as he was about to put it back in I totally lost it! “I can see you! That touched the carpet! It’s contaminated!” And strike 254 with my mother in-law as she saw the whole scene and am sure felt bad that I thought her house was contaminated. The truth is that I feel this way about ALL carpeting including the carpeting in my own house. Carpeting is contaminated you know! If something touches the ground, that’s it, it has to be washed again.
The problem with an incident like this is that not only do I offend my mother in-law, but that I will no longer trust my husband, believing he will try to get away with something like that… and well, that’s not good for any marriage. I sure it is exhausting being married to me.
I used to have a funny ritual I would do with calculators. See, I didn’t know if I could trust them… so I had a series of calculations I would do to “prove” they were in working order before I would use them. For some reason my husband laughed his head off when I told him this. Similarly I love to check the compass with my new IPhone. Some of it is just for fun.. but also I need to make sure it really works in case I ever really need it… I am always thinking about things like this. Does something really work, how do i know... I better keep checking...
Over the years my OCD rituals come and go and I learn to live with them and even love some of them. There are some things too personal to share and some things you just don’t want to know. This blog is less about sharing every detail… because The Devil is in the Details!
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